Millard Fillmore was a trash president. Change my mind.
ISSUE NO. 9 // REDEEMING QUALITIES OF GARBAGE PRESIDENTS
Actually, don’t bother trying to change my mind. I’m pretty committed to this opinion.
But he (or his first wife Abigail?) started the White House library. They shared a life-long love of learning. So that’s something.
We’ve had some other garbage presidents. A few had a redeeming quality or two.
Keep scrolling for more trash talk.
Presidential Doodler
ANDREW JACKSON
Jackson paid freed black soldiers ("brave fellow citizens") the same as white volunteers. (This seems like an obvious thing to do, but it surprised me for the time.)
When the women of Washington, D.C. (led by John Calhoun’s wife) snubbed Peggy Eaton (a Cabinet member’s wife), Jackson defended her. (The Petticoat Affair was a fiasco. I may do a future post on this. Basically, it was believed that Peggy was promiscuous … when she married shortly after the death of her husband, that idea was solidified. She was ignored and scorned. Jackson stood up for her.)
Jackson had gone through something similar with his own wife — unbeknownst to them, her divorce wasn’t finalized when they married. Brutal and hurtful rumors flew during the presidential campaign, and she died before Jackson took office. He blamed her death on John Quincy Adams and his campaign.
Jackson threatened to shoot enlisted soldiers who said they’d served their time and wanted to return home.
The Trail of Tears. Thousands of people died because of his “Indian removal” policy. So there’s that.
“They will foment war no more”… after he hanged two Creek chieftains. And burned hundreds of homes. And destroyed villages… and, you know… in general, fomented war all over the place.
(Doodle from when I read The Last Founding Father: James Monroe and a Nation’s Call to Greatness, by Harlow Giles Unger)
MILLARD FILLMORE
Poorly educated and rose out of poverty.
He fell in love with his teacher Abigail. For two years after their marriage, she continued to work — the only pre-20th century First Lady to do so.
Queen Victoria called Fillmore “the most handsome man.” Oh yeah, and he’s Alec Baldwin’s doppelgänger. Go ahead. Look him up. I’ll wait. It’s not like I have any more “redeeming qualities” about him anyhow.
As a northerner, everyone assumed that he was anti-slavery. Honestly, they didn’t really ask because what did it matter? He was just going to be vice president. Surprise, surprise… Zachary Taylor kicked the bucket and doughface Fillmore was running the show. He expanded slavery. A not never-seen-again combination of weak leadership when it suited things (such as the idea of Texas invading New Mexico) and gross overreaching when it didn’t (Fugitive Slave Act). (See also: Historic Facepalms of Epic Proportions). It’s much too complicated to get into here.
Fillmore ran on a platform of bigotry — anti-immigrant and anti-Catholic: the Know-Nothing Party. (Yeah, that’s really a thing. I suppose there’s something to be said for truth in advertising.)
PS Millard Fillmore married his second wife, wealthy widow Caroline McIntosh, at her home… Schuyler Mansion. In the same room Alexander Hamilton married Elizabeth Schuyler. Guess where I learned that? In the room where it happened! (See what I did there?) And guess what else? I had a Millard Fillmore biography that I hadn’t started yet In My Bag. Bananas, right?? I bet I’m the only one to ever brag to the tour guide about that.
SIDENOTE: Reading about Fillmore was a special kind of torture. I found him so despicable and unlikeable that it was hard to stomach. Not only that, but I read two Fillmore books side-by-side. The first being The Remarkable Millard Fillmore: The Unbelievable Life of a Forgotten President by George Pendle. I selected this book from the biography section at the library because of the beautiful cover. Despite there being an actual unicorn on it, I did not realize the book was misfiled and should have been in the humor section. (I somehow missed the horn.) For balance (and fact-checking!) I also read Millard Fillmore by Paul Finkelman. Turns out this was more challenging than I anticipated since many of the most cockamamie and unbelievable things from the first book were actually true. (Example: Fillmore’s great-grandfather split a pirate’s head in two with an ax.)
SIDE SIDENOTE: As far as I can tell, the prenup “Fun Fact” in the doodle above was true when the book was published. However, since then we’ve had a president with a few prenups. More prenups than anyone. The best prenups. They were huge.
As you can see in my purposely super-fast animation below, I used pink marker to differentiate the unicorn book from the Very Serious Biography.
ANDREW JOHNSON
Johnson was born to illiterate parents.
His father died rescuing three men from an overturned boat. His mom struggled to support the family. She eventually sold Andrew and his brother into an apprenticeship with a tailor. He would have been tied to the tailor until he was 21 (holy crap!).
At 15 he ran away. A $10 reward was advertised for his return.
He never had any formal schooling. It’s possible his wife taught him how to write.
Despite his lack of education and heartrending childhood circumstances, he rose out of his situation and was selected to run as Lincoln’s VP for his second term. Pretty incredible rise!
Johnson was VEEP for 42 days. Then Lincoln was assassinated. According to historian and biographer Annette Gordon-Reed, “America went from the best to the worst in one presidential term.”
He had some seriously skewed views. (Rich plantation owners and their slaves worked together happily with the express purpose of oppressing poor whites. Um, what’s that now?)
His presidency makes one wonder what would have happened if Lincoln had kept his first term vice president, Hannibal Hamlin from Maine. (Would Lincoln have been reelected? If so, what would America look like now if we hadn’t botched Reconstruction so severely? Or what if Johnson’s would-be assassin didn’t get drunk the night Lincoln was fatally shot and Secretary of State Seward was attacked… and also assassinated Johnson, like he’d planned? More on these things in another issue, maybe.)
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