Funny names: a compendium

I’ll keep adding to this list as I come across names that make me laugh or wonder what the heck their parents were thinking. Have any suggestions? Drop them in the comments below!

Repetitive

William Williams

Frederick Hall escaped slavery, changed his name to William Williams, joined the 38th US Infantry Regiment, and fought in the War of 1812.

A few decades later, a different William Williams needed Grover Cleveland on the ticket as sheriff to help him re-snag his spot in the House. I tried to find a picture of him, but there are too many William Williams to chose from. Including one Founding Father.

Doctor William Williams Keen

Ready for some name dropping in this post that’s already all about names? In no particular order, Dr. Keen:

Met then Governor General of the Philippines / future President William Howard Taft while on a world tour with his daughters. He ended up treating Taft’s daughter at some point in the future.
Performed surgery on Congressman / future President William McKinley’s wife Ida.
Operated on the wife and daughters of New Jersey governor / future President Woodrow Wilson.
Provided a second opinion for the former Secretary of the Navy / future President Franklin Delano Roosevelt. (Virology wasn’t Dr. Keen’s forte. He misdiagnosed. Badly.)
Assisted with President Grover Cleveland’s secret surgery aboard a yacht.

Dr. William Williams Keen doodle — The President is a Sick Man by Matthew Algeo is a fascinating peek at Grover Cleveland. *It’s also worth a read just to learn more about Doctor William Williams Keen.*

Doctor Doctor Willard Bliss

His first name was Doctor. How’s that for an aptronym?

Speaking of funny aptronyms… I guess I should mention Anthony Weiner.

James Garfield was initially treated by Dr. Charles Purvis, the surgeon-in-chief at the freeman’s hospital, after he was shot … making Dr. Purvis the first black doctor to treat a president.

Unfortunately for Garfield and America, Secretary Robert Todd Lincoln called Dr. Doctor (the doctor so dicey they named him twice-y).* Ignoring the recent medical advancements of sterilization, he proceeded to kill off the president with his grubby little fingers.

*Maybe I’m just holding a grudge because I’m very fond of President Garfield. I’d like to note for the record that he also tried unsuccessfully to save President Lincoln. That one wasn’t his fault though. I don’t think.

Philip Philip Livingston

Related to Founding Father Robert Livingston. And his son married Robert Livingston’s daughter.

It’s easier if you just check out the family tree. Scroll about halfway down.

Winfield Scott / Winfield Scott Hancock

It’s embarrassing that I got these clearly-not-the-same-guys mixed up. But I did. They have nothing on the fact that John Calhoun’s father-in-law was named John Calhoun. Ick.

Arthur MacArthur

Served as the military governor of the Philippines right before William Howard Taft had the role. Father of Douglas MacArthur, Supreme Commander for the Allied Powers during World War II and smoker of gigantic pipes.

Names I laughed at, then felt like a jerk

Archie Butt (Major Butt)

Full name: Archibald Willingham DeGraffenreid Clarendon Butt.

I giggled at sentences that went something like “Once Butt secured his release…” Then I looked him up and saw how he died. I felt like a giant butt.

Butt served as a military aide to both Presidents Theodore Roosevelt and William Howard Taft. The falling out between the two presidents smacked Butt hard. Taft encouraged him to take a break. He planned a four-month vacation in Europe. Unfortunately, after just a month Butt wanted to get back to Taft. He bought a ticket home on a new ship… the Titanic.

_____

Aide Archie Butt on the Tafts aging in office — *Archibald noticed that the First Lady was aging in reverse, while the President aged at a rapid pace. Kinda makes sense. The First Lady wanted to be there; Taft didn’t really want to be president.*

Old Dick Johnson

AKA Richard Mentor Johnson

Come on with this name, really? But then I saw he was a war hero. And in a seemingly very progressive relationship. I felt like a jerk. Since this doodle, I looked into him a bit more and am less impressed (but also still forming my opinion because my three minutes of research was admittedly kind of half-assed).

Old Dick Johnson was Martin Van Buren's running mate

Funny and/or unexpected

Comfort Sands

There’s a note in my 7th presidential sketchbook from Past Heather suggesting I add Comfort Sands to my cool/weird list of names. So here we are. Past Heather neglected to give me any interesting details about him, saying only “New York treasurer.” From context, I can tell it was likely in the 1700s. If you have any interesting details about Sands to contribute, please comment below.

Happy Rockefeller

Happy’s husband Nelson served as Gerald Ford’s vice president. Happy credited Betty Ford for saving her life. Betty raised awareness and helped break taboos around breast cancer.

Button Gwinnett

I hadn’t heard of Button until I watched a Dead History video. He popped up again not too long after in Radiolab’s Buttons Not Buttons episode. (Something shocking in this episode about President Truman, too. Give it a listen.)

Mangle Minthorne

President Monroe’s Vice President’s father-in-law. Not particularly relevant. (No offense, Mangle.) But a fantastic alliterative name just the same.

Willie Person Mangum

If President Tyler had died in the USS Princeton catastrophe, he was next in-line.

Valentine Starbuck

Captain of a British whaleship and part of a fancy Nantucket whaling family. He brought the Hawaiian king and queen to visit the King of England. Unfortunately, they died of measles during their visit.

Herman Melville borrowed Starbuck’s name for the first mate in Moby-Dick. And that character is where Starbucks Coffee got its name. Soooo… the café kinda in a very roundabout way got its name from the captain of the ship that brought the Hawaiian royal couple to Great Britain, where they thought they were visiting their king. (They were not. When their bodies were sent back to Hawaii, they were accompanied with the greeting and friendship of the king, and his denial that the British controlled Hawaii. Super-complicated. I am not doing it justice. Also, this is such a tragic story and I hope my smooshing the tragedy into a tiny corner of the page doesn’t give the impression that I think the Starbucks Coffee connection is more important. I’m just terrible at predicting how much space I’ll need.)

*Doodle from* Unfamiliar Fishes by Sarah Vowell. It’s all about Hawaii and my doodles do not do it justice. You just gotta read it for yourself.

Robert Strange McNamera

Strange was a family name. He came up with seatbelts while at Ford (the company, not the Gerald) and was Secretary of Defense under JFK and LBJ.

Robert Strange McNamara came up with seat belts while at Ford; Secretary of Devense under JFK and LBJ

Phone a friend

I asked for contributions on Instagram, and here’s what I received:

“erratic Lansford Hastings”…

Lansford Hastings is a fine enough name. But on a Utah roadside history sign, he’s listed as the “erratic Lansford Hastings.” Motivated by cold hard cash, he came up with a short cut for those trying to settle out west. His “shortcut” would shave a month from the journey to San Francisco. He didn’t bother to test it out because why bother. You know the Donner-Reed Party? Yeah, they have Hastings to thank.

Gouverneur Morris

Never a governor, so he didn’t achieve aptronymic repetitiveness (if that’s even a thing?). This peglegged horndog of a Founding Father is freaking fascinating. He deserves his own post at some point.

Dr. Gay Hitler

Dentist from Ohio; his father was George Washington Hitler… which is a jarring juxtaposition in itself. The dentist was seven years older than that other Hitler.